The Style Invitational Week 892 Get a move on
By The Empress
Saturday, October 30, 2010; C02
Rotate the Statue of Liberty 180
degrees. -- T. Tancredo
You know those huge construction cranes
that bend like fingers? How about moving two of them to each side of the
Washington Monument?
This contest was suggested
literally years ago by Kevin Dopart of Washington, who is rumored to have a
life outside The Style Invitational but fortunately doesn't let said life get
in the way of What Really Matters. Kevin was intrigued that a museum about
Lizzie Borden was opening in Salem, Mass. -- which is 80 miles away from
Lizzie's (and Kevin's) home town of Fall River.
Which is an admittedly
tenuous lead-in to this week's contest: Change the location of something for
humorous effect, as in Kevin's examples above. Provide an explanation if you
wish.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place wins this handsome shower-gel
dispenser that sticks to the wall of your particular ablution center. Needless
to say, you squeeze the nose and collect the soap (not included, of course)
from its one working nostril. Donated by Craig Dykstra.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable
Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser Magnets. First
Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for
their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail
to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Nov. 8.
Put "Week 892" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being
ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your
entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries
become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or
content. Results to be published Nov. 27. No purchase required for entry.
Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible
for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for
next week's results was submitted by both Tom Witte and Roy Ashley. The
honorable-mentions subhead is by Tom Witte.
Report from Week 888, in which we asked you to create eponyms, words or terms based on
someone's name: Many people used the verb "rangel" to mean round up
funding for a pet project.
The winner of the inker
lebronchitis, n.: Acute
swelling of the ego.
(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)
2. the winner of the giant pillow
made of Loser T-shirts: L'Enfant-terrible, n.: Morning rush hour in the
District. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)
3. lohan-behold,
v.: To look at the magazines at the supermarket checkout aisle. (Chris Doyle,
Ponder, Tex.)
4. Obummer!: An interjection
expressing great disappointment. "Obummer! He's not really the guy I
thought he was when I voted for him." (Dixon Wragg, Santa Rosa, Calif.)
Eponymisses: Honorable mentions
haynesworth, n.: The
disastrous result of an expensive transaction: "You paid for six years of
college tuition and now your son's 'promotion' is to assistant burger flipper?
Well, you sure got your haynesworth." (Ernie Staples, Burtonsville; Fred
Dawson, Beltsville)
maxine waters, n.: Ethical
straits. "You're wading into pretty maxine waters by helping out those
bank officials, congressman." (Jeff Contompasis)
rheem, v.: Teach a lesson.
"D.C. teachers were rheemed by the new union contract." (Kevin
Dopart, Washington)
stassin', v.: Making repeated
futile bids for the presidency. Do you think Nader's serious, or is he just
stassin' around? (Roy Ashley, Washington)
bristol, v.: To react with
suspicion when your boyfriend is acting up. "She bristoled at his latest
video." (Edmund Conti, Raleigh)
Emanuelaborer, n: One who
uses a blue-collar vocabulary in a white-collar job. (Jim Richardson, Ellicott
City, a First Offender)
fentysize, v: To dream that
you can get reelected by ignoring your constituents. (Tony Phelps, Washington,
a First Offender; Nan Reiner, Alexandria)
hef-jam, n: An orgy. (Tom
Witte. Montgomery Village)
drudge, v.: Portmanteau
meaning to dredge sludge. (Jeff Contompasis)
snyder, adj.: More miserly.
"I never met a guy who was snyder with a dollar than your uncle."
(Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
unbiden, v: To let off stress
with a stream of profanity. "Relieved that the legislation had finally
passed, Joe unbidened to his boss, 'This is big *&{$181}%ing deal!' "
(John Kupiec, Fairfax)
limbaugh-dancing, v.: How low
can you go? (Craig Dykstra)
grayed, v.: Reduced the
amount of whitening. (Kevin Dopart)
whittingtonto, n.:
A sidekick who takes one in the face for you. (Chris Doyle)
Heene, n.: The sound of air
being let out of a balloon. (Kevin Dopart)
personal lohan, n.: Bail.
(Jeff Contompasis)
kodypendent, adj.:
Married to a polygamist. (Chris Doyle)
QE2, adj.: Dowdy, out of
style. "Bob's grandmother came over for Thanksgiving, and OMG she's soooo
QE2!" (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
January-jones, n.: Midwinter
desire for a refreshing warm front. (Jeff Contompasis)
vilsack, v.: To
fire an employee for no good reason. "After the vilsacking of those U.S.
attorneys in 2006, some people said they ought to rename the Department of
Justice." (Chris Doyle)
oprahetta, n.: A performance
with an overly dramatic and extended ending. (Russell Beland)
mcnabb, v.: To pick up
someone else's castoff. "The Dodgers mcnabbed Manny Ramirez to help their
pennant chances." (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)
glennbeck, n: A clownish
display of pathos or outrage. "When I told my 3-year-old that I wouldn't
buy him the cotton candy, he threw a full-on glennbeck right in the middle of
the store." (Nan Reiner; Michael Reinemer, Annandale)
reubens, v: Behaves
inappropriately in a theater. "Despite the plea to curb cellphone use,
Paul reubens with his BlackBerry throughout the movie." (Dion Black,
Washington)
gibsonic: The sound of a
noisy, irrational rant. "I saw the 1937 Reichstag speech on the History
Channel last night -- totally gibsonic!" (Stephen Gold, Glasgow, Scotland)
vick, v.: To make an
unforgivable mistake. "Man, he really vicked up big time -- that'll dog
him forever." (Craig Dykstra)
torain, n.: Yardage on a
football field. "Portis is gonna have to scramble over some rugged torain
to get his job back." (Lois Douthitt, Arlington)
Kamikarzai: Suicidal behavior
by a head of state. (John O'Byrne, Dublin)
feldman-eyes, n.: One's most
remarkable physical feature. "J.Lo's feldman-eyes are most obvious when
she's walking away." (Craig Dykstra)
Next week: Tour de Fours 7, or PEOLogisms